“My brief account of April 10, 2010″ – El Sam

Robby and I met up around nine that morning at the Tchop Walmart and began our trek down to the Hilton for the Southern Republican Leadership Conference. We were wearing armbands I modeled after those worn by the Cuban Marxist revolutionaries (for hilarities sake, and because they look cool). The armbands said Tron Paul 3000 (who was the only noteworthy robo candidate, fyi).

We arrived at the Hilton in time to vote in the straw poll. Having a few hours to kill and little interest in talking to the little, old white-haired ladies, we took a walk down Poydras in search of food and something to pass the time.

Enter the World Trade Center.  I asked Robby if he wanted to see if they gave tours, he agreed, we went in to check it out.  The lobby was larger and filled with flags. We asked woman at the desk if they gave tours to which she replied, “No, we haven’t given tours in a year or so.”

Robby then said, “We are delegates from the Peoples Republic of Redonda and wish to seek trade with the World. Our primary export is hand sanitizer and hand sanitizer accessories.”

We each held up our SRLC passes which only had the number 2 and the word Delegate on them, while motioning to our armbands to prove our legitimacy.

I butted in and while pointing at Robby said, “Yes, he oversees the production of all hand sanitation products while I oversee the manufacture of all hand sanitation accessories, but I can’t talk about the accessories–trade secrets, you know.”

Robby continued, “We noticed you have many fine oil frigates in your harbor. We wish to impose a blockade on Britain and feel they would be ideal. We would also like to hold meetings here; you know, to discuss trade with the World.”

I said, “Yes, anywhere here would be fine.”

Robby: “We could even hold them here in the lobby.”

The receptionist looked at us for a moment then pulled out a small piece of paper and wrote down the name and number for Nick, who she said is some sort of manager there and the one to talk to. Then she informed us that he was on vacation and asked if we would still be in town in a few weeks.

We said that we would and we would call him after a few weeks had passed.

Goodbyes were said and we were off to the food part of our quest. After we ate Robby had 76 cents in change left from lunch, so we decided to head down to the casino to try our luck. After speaking with the banker in the casino she informed us the penny slots only took five dollar bills and that we couldn’t play with our change.

Following our poor luck at trying to win big we made our way back to the conference and listened for three hours of some of the most horrifyingly boring speeches. One of the speakers was finishing up and made a statement he thought would be a real crowd pleaser. He was promoting American involvement in Israeli politics (I wasn’t paying too much attention; Robby and I were busy discussing whether or not the blonde girl on the other side of the isle was hot or not). After the speaker loudly proclaimed his support for American involvement, the little, old white-hair ladies generously applauded but were quickly drowned out by the loud booing from Ron Paul supporters. The old white-ladies began chanting “U-S-A,” and some even looked like they were about to fight the Ron Paul supporters. All the while Robby and I were doubled over in laughter (politics is serious business).

Later, Robby was reading a C-SPAN transcripts of the event.  It mentioned the Ron Paul supporters booing and the “old guard” chanting U-S-A, and then, they mentioned two people sitting near the front of the Ron Paul supporters doubled over in laughter.

That was me and Robby.

After Ron Paul spoke we went home, I went to work, then we went and saw Matt breath fire. It was good times.

Additional notes:

• I had a sign proclaiming my stance on robot rights. It said “Give me Robo Liberty or Give me Robo Death!”

• Redonda: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Redonda

I guess that wasn’t so brief, whatevs.

- El Sam